Wednesday, September 2, 2009

My Story

I woke up one morning in January 2005 with my whole life ahead of me.  I was 20 years old, working, going to school and had just moved into a beautiful brand new home with my boyfriend (now husband).  I was not planning, nor prepared for what came next... I was pregnant.  (warning: these are raw, real emotions) What am I going to do?  MY PARENTS ARE GOING TO KILL ME!  What will people think? How could this happen to me, I was on BIRTH CONTROL? I even (gasp) hoped for a miscarriage. But I learned that God knew what He was doing, and this was all apart of His perfect plan for our lives.

So, our next step was to tell our parents- which my the way went better then I ever dreamed, they were both SO supportive. We got married, and got ready to stat our family- which was going to happen in 5 short months.

My pregnancy was going well, until around 33 weeks.  My blood pressure was rising, I was diagnosed with preeclampsia and put on bed rest.  They scheduled my induction for 10/14/05, and due to major complications, an emergency c-section was performed at 5 pm... and there he was.  A perfect 20 1/2 inch, 7 lb 12 in long bouncing baby boy. My life as I knew it changed- for the better.

The three of us went about our lives, and for the most part, were your average American family.  Logan was a good, normal baby... or so I thought.

Fast forward 2 1/2 years, I fell pregnant again.  We were over the moon, and were elated to find out it was a girl. I had a healthy pregnancy and was excited to meet our newest addition.  I was scheduled for a repeat c-section on March 12, 2009 (39 weeks).  At the end of February, I got a nasty ear infection and sore throat, and was worried it would compromise my surgery- so I went to the walk-in clinic next to my house to get it checked out.  I brought my son with me
, and while I was there the doctor asked me how old he was.  I told him Logan was 3 1/2.  He said "you might want to get a speech evaluation."

I was APPALLED!  He was shy, and this doctor who DOESN'T EVEN KNOW ME, OR MY SON, suggested that I get his SPEECH CHECKED.  I was so insulted, I vowed never to go back there.  When I got home, I called my Mom, and Mother-in Law, and all three of us were SHOCKED.

Later that night, I decided to give an old friend of mine a call- she' s a speech pathologist, and is GREAT at what she does.  While we were talking my heart leaped from my chest, rolled down into my stomach at hit the floor.  My perfect, bouncing baby boy was- SPEECH DELAYED.  

The next morning I spent hours calling schools, county programs and speech therapy offices.  I felt like the worst mother on earth.  I spent day-in and day-out with my son and I missed this.  A doctor who saw him for less then 5 minutes knew, and I didn't. I thought, maybe if I caught it sooner, he could have caught up by now.   What kind of mother misses something as big as this? Well, the LORD taught me, a human mother.

I spent the next several weeks on a waiting list to get him evaluated- both through a state paid program (FDLRS) and private speech. While I was waiting I went through every milestone (I still cry as I reflect) and I realized that not only was he speech delayed, but behaviorally and socially as well.  NOW I feel like the worst mother on earth.

In the mean time, we had our perfect beautiful 6 lb 13 oz, 19 1/2 in long, Lily Faye.  She was the perfect addition to our family, and the moment I had her, I knew our family was complete.

FINALLY, in April we had 2 evaluations- one for private speech and one for the county (with a 3 week old baby in tow).  For some UNGODLY reason, Logan passed his private evaluations.  They told me his issues were behavioral. The county told me, however, he was "unique", and required further evaluations. Seriously that's what the psychologist said, and  that in over 30 years of working with preschoolers, he had never seen a 
case like this (LOL, you have to laugh, so you don't cry). 

Since then, we've been waiting for our second evaluation. I've had time to really reflect over his short life, and I've been in prayer trying to hear what God is teaching me. I do believe God has a plan for him, and I also believe that He has a place for Logan in the FDLRS ("fiddlers") program.  I've learned that Logan was created for Him, by Him, and was given to me to love and guide him. I love my kids more than life itself, and it's only a drop in the ocean compared to the depth of Love that our Heavenly Father has for them.

Tomorrow, September 3 at 9.40 am, is our second evaluation. I am eager to hear what they have to say.  If you are a prayer warrior-please pray for us.  

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