Wednesday, January 20, 2010

He's not just anyone, he's my son

Yesterday Logan came home with his first report card. I found it at the bottom of his bag, tucked neatly in a white envelope. I opened it- not know what it was.

Once I unfolded it, and figured out what it was my heart sank. I saw several Ns (to be expected) and felt a deep sadness*... but I wasn't surprised.

*It's one thing to know your son has a "delay" or isn't typical, and it's another thing to see it in black and white on a very official looking state approved report card.

The report listed the goals for this year (there were 6) and then gave a grade next to each one. M- mastered, S- satisfactory, and N- needs improvement. He got 2 Ns and 4 Ss.

Annual Goal that received an N:

  • Circle time- participate for 15 minutes and answer simple questions.
  • Demonstrate fine motor skills and coordination needed for writing.
There was also an entire page of accomplishments and tribulations. A couple things that stood out: "Logan is learning to do things more independently like open his own milk carton and food wrappers." and "Logan uses the bathroom independently with no accidents!".

When I read that I thought (insert sarcastic tone here) "great".

As I was driving today I prayed a prayer I've prayed many many many times. It went something like:

"I need to You to heal him. / Please Lord God give me the strength to help him grow into a strong man of God. / Free him of his OCD, Lord. / Help him not to be scared Father. Let him know You're there."

And Mark Schultz's song "He's my Son" came on the radio.

That's it! That's my song!

Now, I know that song is a tragic song about a terminally ill child- but I really felt like it described my prayer. He doesn't have a terminal disease (Thank You Thank You Thank You Jesus for that), yet he's a prisoner in his own mind. He's constantly telling me he has a stomach ache (worry) or he's scared (panic).

We're working on it Logan. I'm doing my best, I hope it's enough.

I'm down on my knees again tonight
I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right
See there is a boy that needs Your help
I've done all that I can do myself
His mother is tired
I'm sure You can understand
Each night as he sleeps
She goes in to hold his hand
And she tries not to cry
As the tears fill her eyes

Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
See, he's not just anyone
He's my son

Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep
I dream of the boy he'd like to be
I try to be strong and see him through
But God who he needs right now is You
Let him grow old
Live life without this fear
What would I be
Living without him here
He's so tired and he's scared
Let him know that You're there


Can You hear me?
Can You see him?
Please don't leave him
He's my son

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

My Job Description

I am a:

  • Chauffeur
  • Personal Shopper
  • Personal Chef
  • Pastry Chef
  • Nurse
  • House Keeper
  • Organizer
  • Teacher
  • Woman of God
  • Finance Manager
  • Banker
  • Travel Agent
  • Boo boo fixer
  • Television turn-er on-er
  • Cheer-er up-er
  • Coffee Maker
  • Laundry Matt operator
  • Technician
  • And so much more...

But y'all make it worth it.

Winter we Welcome You

While most of my state is O-V-E-R this cold weather, my family is embracing it(30 degrees is cold for us you know). When the thermometer dips this low, it makes me (not so) secretly wish we lived where it snowed.

Everyday my palm trees are covered with ice, my lawn is dying, and despite my best effort to save my plants (by covering them with my bed sheets) Jack Frost is biting them with everything he has. I imagine that this spring we'll be relandscaping- which is fine by me.

I'm still working on getting organized. We're going to be doing some furniture moving this weekend, and I'm really looking forward to it. It's going to give us so much more space in our family area- plus be much safer for Lily (I'll take some pictures and do a post on it later).

Lots planned today- oil change, car wash, Target, bank, bill paying (yuck!). It's a "no fun" job, but someone has to do it! Hopefully tomorrow I can do something fun with the kids0 like the park!

My prayers are with Haiti- praying for all those affected by the earthquake.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Happy 10 months Lily

Dear Princess Lady Lily Lou (that's her full name... okay it's not, but I think it's cute),

What a sweet treasure you are! You are so full of life and energy, and everything about you makes me smile (well almost everything). You eat absolutly everything I give you, from avocados to black beans, you're a trouper and I love cooking for you. You love shoes (wonder where you got that from) playing with your brother's toys, going for walks, and watching Baby Einstein (you call it "baby"). You're all over the house these days, which is a challenge- especially when you and your brother go in different directions- but I love every minute of it.

You're fitting in 12-18 month clothing, but you mostly wear 18-24 (Daddy likes to make sure you have lots of room, cause well, you have a rounded bell- and "baby boobs"). You laugh and play all day long, it's (almost) impossible to be in a bad mood when you're around! You like to play with things you can't have- like the phone, wires, hair, etc- and you're always trying to steel food off our plates (go figure).

I feel so blessed to call you my daughter. I prayed and prayed and prayed for you, and God answered my prayer and more. You're the perfect addition to our family, and I couldn't ask for more. I look forward to celebrating your first birthday, going on mother-daughter dates, and taking you out for tea.

I look forward to teaching you about Jesus, and His immeasurable gift He has given us. I'm excited for all your firsts- but mostly I'm focused on today. Today you're a loudish, funny, cute little sister that has brightened my day. Thank you.


Thursday, January 7, 2010

Out of the Mouths of Babes (or Four Year Old) Updated Version

**UPDATE** Now that I have a little more time, I'm going to explain (and add to) some of Logan's... comments from this post.

Lily's sucking Mommy's penis- One day I was wearing a shirt that was "bumpy", and because Logan has a sensory issue he kept petting me. All. Day. Long. He was rubbing and rubbing and rubbing my boob! So, I said (over and over and over) "Logan, please stop touching Mommy." "Logan, please don't touch Mommy." So, finally, I said (in a firm loving manner) "Logan, that's private, please stop touching me."

A couple hours later he saw me nursing and said "Lily's sucking Mommy's penis" because I always tell him "Your penis is private, it's only for you" (partially cause I'm petrified of pedophiles."


Me: Are you a boy or a girl? Logan: BOY! Me: Why? (he couldn't answer) Because you have a penis. Logan: Does Daddy have a penis? Me: Yes, he's a boy. Logan: Does Lily have a penis? Me: No, honey she's a girl. Logan: That's right, Lily has a butt.

Grammie, you have a diaper on!- My Mother-in-Law has back issues, and was wearing a back brace! Priceless :)

I can't want to!

I can't want it!

(Holding a tampon) Is this for your butt?

Don't stick the toilet paper inside me!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Out of the Mouths of Babes (or Four Year Old)

Okay, I don't have much time, so I will write an updated post with the explanations to (some of) these.

As most of you know, my son is (what I feel is) speech delayed (No need to beat a dead horse, I just still think it's utterly rediculous that he "doesn't fail enough" to get official speech therapy). Anyway, because he's made MAJOR advancements the past 8 weeks, he's been talking a whole lot more.

Here are some of the things he's said that have made me (and my husband) laugh at loud:

Lily's sucking Mommy's penis.


Me: Are you a boy or a girl? Logan: BOY! Me: Why? (he couldn't answer) Because you have a penis. Logan: Does Daddy have a penis? Me: Yes, he's a boy. Logan: Does Lily have a penis? Me: No, honey she's a girl. Logan: That's right, Lily has a butt.

Grammie, you have a diaper on!

I can't want to!

I can't want it!

I have many more, but I don't want my chicken to burn. I'll update soon!