Top Ten Tuesday

Things I love to do with (or for) my daughter

10. Play

9. Tickle

8. "Talk"

7. Bathe

6. Kiss

5. Snuggle

4. Sing

3. Rock (or Glide)

2. Hold

And the number one thing I love to do with Lily is:

1. Nurse

A Letter to My Boy

To My Dearest Son,

Words can not describe the way I feel about you. From the moment I found out about you, you became apart of me. You changed everything about me, and have shaped me into the woman I am today.

My whole life, I wanted to be a mother. You fulfilled my dream, and then some.

My prayer for you is that you know and love the Lord, that you take time to pray, and you grow in the love of Christ. I pray you will become a loving, kind generous man. That you dream big, find your purpose and work hard. But most of all I pray that you know how much your father and I love you, we're behind you 100% and we will always be proud of you.

You're an amazing boy that keeps us on our toes. You love dirt, balls, trucks, bugs, books, and spending time with your family. (Of course you love the phone... but we're working on this) You're spirited, loving, kind, sweet and totally 100% B.O.Y.

Soon, you'll be turning four, and going to school. The journey we're on right now is tough one, and to be honest there are days where I'm not sure what's really going on (or if I'm doing the right thing)-but one thing is for sure I love you, and I'm working hard everyday and I'm dedicated to helping you.

You made me a better person, son, and everyday I try to achieve more... to be a better wife, a better mom and a better person.

Thank you, my precious boy, for being you. I couldn't imagine my life without you. You're the perfect fit for our family.

Love,
Mom

Not Me! Monday

I did not leave three days worth of dishes in the sink... and only clean them up because my mother-in-law was coming over. That's just unsanitary... a mother such as myself, would never let that happen.

I did not shove a box of pizza so far into the fridge that it knocked over a half opened bottle of soy sauce, and then wait till the next morning to clean it up. That's just crazy talk!

And finally, I did not wash my husbands cell phone, even after he told me he left it in his pants. A wife as together as myself, would never let a thing like that happen.

A Day of Rest

Romans 8:18 (NIV)

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

What a Day!

Oh my, what a day! My two sweet kids kept me on my toes tonight. My son didn't nap (he's growing out of napping) and my daughter wanted to snuggle all night long. Normally I would love to just sit and hold her, but the dishes were piling up, there was about 115 calories worth of chips crushed into the carpet, and there was dinner from three weeks ago still in the fridge. I know what you're thinking- "What's wrong with you, throw that away!". Well, what you don't understand is we have a serious raccoon problem around here. They GET IN MY TRASH ALL THE TIME!

Just imagine it. Your trash, lying on your driveway. Sit and think for a second about all the things you throw away. Private things. And imagine that all your neighbors get a panoramic view of your family lying on your driveway EVERYDAY!

So, because of our little critter problem, I have to clean out my fridge on trash day. I'm never really sure what day of the week it is (especially early in the morning), and I usually don't realize it's a trash day until I hear that unmistakable screech of suburbia driving down the street picking up the weeks garbage.

I digress.

So, as you can imagine, I wasn't really in the mood to sit and hold a baby... but I did. I cuddled. I nursed. I bathed. I lotioned. I loved.

There's still dishes in the sink. There's still a very questionable chicken my fridge. (No more chips tho- I did manage to run the vacuum while holding her)

And it was all worth it.

Put a Band-Aid On It

As a parent of a with child with special needs, I find myself saying:

 "Can't I just put a band-aid on it?"

"Why can't I just fix this?"

"Am I making the right choice in regard to his diet?"

"What does the world think of me?"

I can sit and wallow in my self pity, and ask "why me?" all day long- but one thing remains:

Logan was created by the One True God, in His image, and place perfectly with me. There are many times I think about all the signs I missed. Like, his delayed speech, inappropriate use of pronouns, and major sensory issues. I even thought I was "lucky" to have a baby that didn't put anything in his mouth. I look back at that nieve mom and want to yell "HE'S GOT SENSORY ISSUES, YOU CRAZY LADY!". But, unfortunately you can't turn back time, and that fact of the matter is I didn't know any better. 

I do seek forgiveness, and ask God to please give me wisdom and understanding with my kids. I believe God has a plan for him, and  is using my sweet boy to make me grow up.

I hope one day Logan will forgive me. I pray:

• That he will look past my ignorence, and know that I did everything I could to heal him. 
• That I used every fiber of my being to help him get better. 
• He doesn't rememeber this pain. 
• That he will become a "typical" child. 
• That he will grow out of it.

Right now, I am still looking for the right approach for his diet. 

For the past year, I've been milling my own wheat to make bread and other baked goodies. Wheat offers so many nutrients, but because of how it's processed for commercial use it's useless. When processed, it's milled, bleached, fortified (cause all the nutrience are gone- so they add them back), and then made into bread (or cupcakes, cookies, etc). All the good stuff is oxidized and the food is basically dead. 

Our family eat mostly whole foods, and have been steering clear of prepackaged food for about 2 years. I'd say we were (before this journey) about 60% there. 

SO NOW, going through what I've been going through with Logan, I'm forced to ask myself- "What's worse, the prepackaged gluten free cake mix, OR the freshly milled live flour?"

When I first started this journey, I wasn't sure where to start, and I was willing to try anything. I found myself scrambling for answers, reading anything and everything I could get my hands on. I find myself still searching, and I pray every night for guidance. I just want to help my son. That's what this is all about-helping Logan cope with everyday life.

It's my belief that our bodies benefit from live food: wheat, fruit, veggies, meats, etc. So, I'm now going back live eating. He'll be receiving gluten- only from my wheat- for three weeks. If he starts to regress, I'll put him back on the GFCF diet. 

My next steps are:

1. Journal his behavior and diet
   
2. Make an appointment to see his pediatrician to discuss everything
3. See and allergist
4. See a behavioral psychiatrist

God is with me, and I know we'll get through this.

Confessions of a Gluten Free Mom

I get encouraged.

I get discouraged.

I believe it's working.

I still have doubts.

I give in to what the world believes to be true from time to time.

I follow my "Mommy Radar" only 90% of the time.

I hide in the laundry room to eat "forbidden" food.

I plan on giving Logan fresh milled wheat to see how he reacts.