Put a Band-Aid On It

As a parent of a with child with special needs, I find myself saying:

 "Can't I just put a band-aid on it?"

"Why can't I just fix this?"

"Am I making the right choice in regard to his diet?"

"What does the world think of me?"

I can sit and wallow in my self pity, and ask "why me?" all day long- but one thing remains:

Logan was created by the One True God, in His image, and place perfectly with me. There are many times I think about all the signs I missed. Like, his delayed speech, inappropriate use of pronouns, and major sensory issues. I even thought I was "lucky" to have a baby that didn't put anything in his mouth. I look back at that nieve mom and want to yell "HE'S GOT SENSORY ISSUES, YOU CRAZY LADY!". But, unfortunately you can't turn back time, and that fact of the matter is I didn't know any better. 

I do seek forgiveness, and ask God to please give me wisdom and understanding with my kids. I believe God has a plan for him, and  is using my sweet boy to make me grow up.

I hope one day Logan will forgive me. I pray:

• That he will look past my ignorence, and know that I did everything I could to heal him. 
• That I used every fiber of my being to help him get better. 
• He doesn't rememeber this pain. 
• That he will become a "typical" child. 
• That he will grow out of it.

Right now, I am still looking for the right approach for his diet. 

For the past year, I've been milling my own wheat to make bread and other baked goodies. Wheat offers so many nutrients, but because of how it's processed for commercial use it's useless. When processed, it's milled, bleached, fortified (cause all the nutrience are gone- so they add them back), and then made into bread (or cupcakes, cookies, etc). All the good stuff is oxidized and the food is basically dead. 

Our family eat mostly whole foods, and have been steering clear of prepackaged food for about 2 years. I'd say we were (before this journey) about 60% there. 

SO NOW, going through what I've been going through with Logan, I'm forced to ask myself- "What's worse, the prepackaged gluten free cake mix, OR the freshly milled live flour?"

When I first started this journey, I wasn't sure where to start, and I was willing to try anything. I found myself scrambling for answers, reading anything and everything I could get my hands on. I find myself still searching, and I pray every night for guidance. I just want to help my son. That's what this is all about-helping Logan cope with everyday life.

It's my belief that our bodies benefit from live food: wheat, fruit, veggies, meats, etc. So, I'm now going back live eating. He'll be receiving gluten- only from my wheat- for three weeks. If he starts to regress, I'll put him back on the GFCF diet. 

My next steps are:

1. Journal his behavior and diet
   
2. Make an appointment to see his pediatrician to discuss everything
3. See and allergist
4. See a behavioral psychiatrist

God is with me, and I know we'll get through this.

Confessions of a Gluten Free Mom

I get encouraged.

I get discouraged.

I believe it's working.

I still have doubts.

I give in to what the world believes to be true from time to time.

I follow my "Mommy Radar" only 90% of the time.

I hide in the laundry room to eat "forbidden" food.

I plan on giving Logan fresh milled wheat to see how he reacts.

Gluten Free is easy... so far :)

Well, on Tuesday I decided to change Logan's diet- and at the time I planned on giving him all whole foods. BUT- he's actually been eating gluten free, and it's gone really well so far!

We haven't had any adverse withdraws and we haven't had a problem finding things for him to eat. He hasn't asked for anything with gluten, and I think that he's adjusting.

I've really enjoyed trying the different gluten free foods, and I even started an information hub page for other Moms going through the same thing:

http://hubpages.com/hub/gluten-free-foods

Check it out if you're thinking of trying the GF diet!

HOWEVER, we're going to a birthday party this weekend, and I'm very concerned. Luckily Logan isn't into food too much, but they're serving pizza and that's one of Logan's favorites! I do have gluten free pizza crusts, and I'm planning on making him one to eat at the party- but I'm nervous! Hopefully he won't have a problem... I'll keep you posted.

By Golly, there IS a light!

Okay, so today was day one on the "NO PRESERVATIVE Diet/low gluten". 

It's gone GREAT! He has had some withdraw symptoms, but they've been manageable... so far. His mood is great, his overall temperament is even and (this could be my "wishful thinking) he's been using his vocabulary a lot better.

I went to our local grocery store and bought TONS on fruits and veggies and Logan's really enjoyed talking about them and eating them!

On the other hand, I'm starting to feel overwhelmed by the housework. I'm so focused on food that I've let my housework go by the waist side. Tonight I'm going to TRY to catch up :)

Goodbye Old Friend, I'll Miss You

I took a huge leap of faith today, and decided to give away anything that has preservatives in it. We're having some friends over for dinner, so what they don't know is when they leave, they'll have some groceries to take with them :)

So, when I was finished, I went to our local grocery store to buy a couple things for this evening. What I wasn't prepared for was how emotional it was going to be for me. It was painful for me to walk through the isles filled with foods that Logan loves so much, knowing that (for the time being) he can't have them. It was also hard watching "typical" children gleefully walking hand in hand eating a cookie. 

Now, Logan for the most part is very well behaved. He's a good listener, polite, loving and very kind. But I'm not sure how he's going to react once he starts detoxing from the toxins that's in his body, and he's not able to have that free cookie he's had so many times before. Lucky for me my son is a produce thief- we'll just hit the produce isle and hopefully he'll forget about the cookie.

On another note, I know I've distanced myself from some people that are close to me. Please know that I'm concentrating completely on my family and healing Logan. I'm in a dark place in my life right now, and I mostly find comfort in talking to other moms who are going through the same thing. I believe through changing his environment-that is the toxins he's eating/coming into contact with -I'll be able to see a huge improvement in his behavior. Also, one of Logan's fixations is the phone, so I'm spending as little time as possible on it (especially when he's around). 

Hang in there with me- He's not finished with me yet.

You want me to feed him WHAT?

There's a huge movement in the autistic community regaurding biomedical treatment. It refers to the process of redressing the anomalies in a persons Biochemistry through the use of specific nutrients.  Specifically, a gluten free and casein free diet (GFCF).  Parents, doctors and researchers say that children have shown mild to dramatic improvements in speech and/or behavior after these substances were removed from their diet. 

Gluten and gluten-like protiens are found in grains like wheat, oats, rye, bulgar, durum, spelt, and barley.  It's also found in starches, semolina, couscous, malt, some vinegars, soy sauce, flavorings, artificial colors and hydrolyzed vegetable proteins.  

Casein is a protein found in milk and other dairy products like cheese, yogurt, ice cream, whey butter, and margarine.  

EYE-YEY-IE!  What's a Mom to do?  

While we (the psychiatrists,  hubby and I) don't believe Logan has autism, I feel he may benefit from a "diet makeover". A GFCF diet is a lot to take on- so, I'm going to take one small step in the right direction.

My first plan of action is to take out all refined sugar, white flour, and anything bleached. Also, I'm removing all foods that are over processed, and full of additives (especially nitrates).

Basically, I'm doing an all whole foods diet.  Homemade bread, cookies, and fruits/veggies.  I already mill my own wheat to make fresh flour, I'm just going to take it one step further. 

"Let thy food be thy medicine and thy medicine be thy food."

With this first step, I'm hoping to see major improvements in his bowls, mood and behavior... I'll keep you posted!

Logan enjoying his "non birthday" with a fresh milled blueberry muffin