The Giving Tree

**Warning: This post contains raw, real emotions. I'd like to preface this with how much I love being a Mom. How I dreamed of having a child, and how I am thankful to God everyday for blessing me with two beautiful children, perfect in His image. I know many people struggle with infertility, or loss of a child and make no mistake, I pray for those people out there everyday. I know how blessed I am to have my kids on this side of eternity- and I'm thankful.

That said- Let the rant ensue.

There are days where I feel sorry for myself, and today is one of those days.

I try very hard to have a cheery, light hearted, optimistic spirit- most of the time. But today, I just want to complain.

Everyday I give and give and give and give and give, and explain, and give, and explain, and give and give. And then when the house is finally quiet, and the last potty break is over, and the last cup of water has been drank- I give some more.

Don't get me wrong, I love being a Mom, but on days like this I find myself asking: why me?

Why is it I can't walk into a store without talking about a phone. I would love to go to a store and not talk about a freaking phone. On that note, I would love to go ONE DAY without "pretending" to talk on the phone. You know what- I WOULD LOVE TO NOT SEE A PHONE FOR ONE DAY. That, friends, would be a good day.

I would love not to hear an absolutley, horrific, ear piercing screeching whale come out of my son's mouth. I would love to not hear it at bed time.

What did I do to deserve this? Why do I have to constantly explain explain explain why we can or can't do something. I would love to go one day with out having to worry about my son having a panic attack.

I would love to go one day without thinking about, worrying about, or talking about sensory issues. I would love not to worry about the volume of something, or the feeling (the physical feeling) of something. That would be AWESOME.

I would love not to worry about my son's future issues. Wondering what his OCD fixation will be when he's 15. It probubly won't be phones- so what? What will it be?

I would love to not think about poop. I would love for Logan to GO POOP.

I would love if my daughter was no longer teething. I would love for all those little boogers to pop right through, with no pain-therefore no crying.

I never asked for this. As a child, I never sat back and thought "Oh, I can't wait to grow up, get married, and have a baby boy with special needs."

I absolutely, undoubtedly love my son, but sometimes I just wish he was..."typical".

I would love to have a husband that worked normal hours, at a job he loved so I didn't have to put the kids to bed- all-by-my-self 5 nights a week.

I would have loved him to not go to that meeting last night- and I hope he doesn't go tonight.

I would love to shower, shave and go to the bathroom without an interruption.

And finally I would love a vacation- scratch that- I would love a night off.

Rant. Over.

Filters

Sometimes I believe the Holy Spirit works through you when you least expected it.

Today, while I was visiting a new superstore (which was awesome minus this incident) Logan got confused and began to have one of his "mini meltdowns"- which includes screaming.

~For those of you who know my son, you know his screaming is very loud, very high pitched, and honestly very uncomfortable.

I held his hand and walked down the main grocery isle to grab the last thing I needed for dinner so we could check out and head home. It was as if a spot light was on me. People were coming out of the isles to see what was going on. No exaggeration, there were at least 40 people turned and looked at me and my sweet boy. Now, that being said, it was 30-45 seconds of excruciatingly loud uncomfortable screaming (which I'm used to) so I can understand why people were looking. But what they don't understand was this was not a "typical" child "I want that toy I can't have" tantrum. This was a little boy having an anxiety attack because he didn't understand something. I can't imagine how scary it must feel for him to feel trapped in his own world of fear and worry.

Anyway, while I was quickly grabing the thing I needed an old crotchy lady leaned over a very sternly said "Young man, you need to mind your manners while your...".

Before I could even think of what to say I threw him behind me (as if to physically protect him from the verbal daggers she was throwing at him) and said "Listen, lady, he has special needs."

And she looked at me with a stone cold look as I walked briskly away.

By the time I got back to the produce section, Logan had calmed down, but I was in tears. I thought of all the things I "should have said". I think the Holy Spirit was my filter at that moment.

So, for those of you who were at that superstore on this day and this time, I'm sorry. And for those of you who may encounter a screaming child in a superstore, before giving dirty looks or even saying a nasty comment* please think twice.

*I know most people would never do that, but everyone has weak moments-I'm sure back in my day I would have given "the look". There were some (few, but some) friendly faces that looked at me with sadness-as if they were saying "I've been there".

The Rumors are True

Every year, on August 9 (the day after my birthday) I put out all my fall decorations. I absolutely, with out a doubt LOVE the Holidays and it kicks off with my birthday!

I put out pumpkins, scarecrows and anything "harvesty"-usually.

This year was different, though. I was tired. I have two young kids, one with special needs and one breastfeeding and I thought napping was more important then decorating...

So, because I usually get three whole months of fall, and Christmas gets a measly 35(ish) days (if you decorate the day after Thanksgiving) that I would decorate for Christmas early-a whole month early!!

On November 5, we decorated the entire inside of our house! Logan and Lily love the lights on the tree and all the animated Christmas stuffed animals. And Logan had a blast hanging the ornaments on the tree this year. I just love being able to enjoy all the beautiful decorations I've collected over the years.

This weekend we'll be working outside decor! Can't wait to give hubby the good news :)

The Ghost of Halloween Past

10/31/05

10/31/06

10/31/07

10/31/08

Trick-or-Treat

Skim the Fat

Ok friends, it's time to get real. My house is FULL of stuff I don't need (i.e. 3 years worth of magazines I haven't picked up since the month they were published... I have issues with books and magazines). It's time to skim the fat.

All of November I am going to be going through our house and getting rid of stuff we don't need. I'm tired of feeling closed in in our house. I don't find value in material things (for the most part), so it's time for me to go through all our stuff and get down to the things we actually need.

Let's start a movement. Who's with me?

Less clutter for 2010.

Not Me! Monday

This is a blog carnival started by MckMama. Check out her blog to find out what others haven't been up to this week.

On the day that I posted this blog on being a "Mom" I did not go the whole day with my t-shirt inside out. A Mom as together as myself, would never have dropped Logan at the bus stop, ran some errands, and picked Logan back up at the bus stop only to find out at 8 pm during "bedtime countdown" teeth brushing that my favorite frumpy "Mom" shirt was inside out.

I also would never would have let out a sigh of relief and thought "at least I have some Not Me! Monday blog material."

I am always certain to have a fully stocked pantry and fridge. But if I were to slip up and realize that I may be running out of milk, I certainly did not pour some into a mason jar and hide it from my husband and son so I'd be sure to have enough for my coffee in the morning.

And lastly, while I was feeding my daughter some delicious bananas, I would never wipe her face off with something other then an acceptable face wiping rag. And if I were to make a slip up and not have an acceptable face wiping rag close by, I wouldn't pick up my son's big boy underpants (only worn for a couple minutes) and use the waist band to clean off that precious face.

It's the little things

**Update**

Logan has been in school for (almost) two weeks and I can see REAL changes. Here's what I've noticed so far:

• He's almost completely potty trained-we've been fighting that battle for 18 months now.
• He amazes me with the things that comes out his mouth... so much I can't even remember everything! For instance, I told you him to cover his mouth when he coughed, and he said "No, cough in your elbow"!!!!!!!!!!! I still can't believe it!
• Also, he unbuckled his five point harness, AND buckled the top part!! It's the little things.

He's been doing really well in school, except for a few "throwing sand (or mulch) " incidences :) All things considered, that's pretty good.